I don't really use my blog as a public forum. This has all been a space to share my thoughts, feelings, and lately, to write reviews which I openly share with any and all will who read or watch them. I was prompted yesterday to put my 0.2 cents on Epiphora's blog in her response to AAG's post, "The Seduction of Buzzy Things." I then decided to go ahead and respond to AAG as well.

My response to AAG's post:


"I posted a similiar response to Epiphora’s blog but I thought perhaps I’d post one here.

For a year I didn’t write any reviews on my blog, it was all personal; stories, erotica, articles on PCOS, posts about infertility and how it’s affected my marriage and my sex life, etc. Those posts were hardly ever read, I didn’t have any readers. I went to great lengths to promote my blog but I couldn’t generate traffic- people didn’t know who I was and didn’t care to read my posts.

When I decided to start reviewing toys directly on my blog, my numbers soared. I had people coming in from everywhere- they were commenting, reading, and surfing around the rest of my pages. Those posts from a year before were finally being read.

99% of the blogs I go to are reviewer blogs. These are the people I know through my affiliations with sex toy companies. And it’s these bloggers that account for a good amount of my traffic. I think we reviewers have a place within the sex blogging community. While we may seem to be trying to push one product after another, we do this for people other than ourselves. I write for anyone who’ll read my posts, watch my videos, and look at my pictures. I don’t know how many people I’ve influenced to buy or not buy items but that is the reason why I review. And I’m not all fluff and sunshine- I discuss the negatives as well as the positives.

With the increase in the amount of reviews I have written lately, I really don’t feel like personal posts have suffered. To some there may not be a good balance between reviews and non-reviews but I spent over a year writing everything but reviews. I suppose you could say, I’m making up for lost time.

As far as views on sex toy companies or manufacturer’s go, well, not everyone is going to have the same opinion. We can’t all band together or rise in arms against because we don’t all share the same sentiments. Also, if a large majority of solid reviewers were to stand up and refuse to review for particular companies or put their energy into denouncing them, there’d be the next generation of toy reviewers lined up to fill their spots.I review, I’m a reviewer… and I can live with that. I have my style, I take my time. I put up 5 minute video clips touring toys, I take product photos (sometimes including myself), and I write wordy opinionated essays as to whether or not the toy is worth the investment. Truth be told, I get more traffic being a reviewer than I ever did as a sex blogger.


AAG's reponse:

<"Alrighty then, I admit it. I was wrong, totally wrong, all wrong.

We should all write *more* sex toy reviews, because sex toy reviews bring in the readers, and we all know that the singular reason for writing blogs is to attract as many readers as is humanly possible.

And I completely agree that we should not speak out about any unethical business behavior, because everyone knows that speaking out is completely pointless. We’ll just be replaced by other less scrupulous reviewers! We should all be good lil’ boys and girls then, accepting payment in jelly for our silence. Yes.

I have now pronounced this and so it shall be, because I alone dictate exactly what our community should do in every case. I must only speak the word and it shall be done.

More reviews for everyone! In fact I declare that we must now write nothing but reviews.

Carry on then!

:) < ----This smiley face indicates that the preceding was written completely tongue in cheek. Really. :) See, there's another one. Tongue in cheek! Humor! Tolerance! Live and let live! Write and let write! I love you all! Have a wonderful Sunday! :)"

I'd like to clear the air on some things.

Before I started posting reviews on my blog I didn't have any readers reading my posts, personal stories, anecdotes, articles. Reviews have generated traffic which has increased my readership and I'm finally having the posts *that aren't reviews* read.

My main focus has never been to gather up the largest audience I could.. but it has been to reach people. How could I reach people if they didn't know my blog existed? If I was just another writer lost in the world of sex blogging? Reviews created the publicity I needed to finally gain some listeners. There are things I want to push, like how 1 in 10 women of childbearing age have PCOS and they don't even know what it is.


I'm a voice and I want it to be heard, reviews have been my megaphone- they get people to turn around, walk up and check things out, and the quality of my content gets people to stay.


When I wrote personal stories about how infertility can destroy a sex life and even a marriage, I wrote them for others going through the same struggles. I wanted to reach people, to let women know they weren't alone- these were "real life" issues... but unfortunately, no one knew they existed. While in part I wrote those posts for myself, my main goal was to write them for others.

I think most bloggers want a return investment for all the time and effort they put into their content. I spend hours a day on my blog, I want to know that it isn't in vain. This isn't a journal or my diary, if it was, it wouldn't be public and it wouldn't be on the internet.

As far as being a reviewer and the companies I review for, I've had great personal experiences with these companies. What unethical business practices are cause enough for me to shun these businesses after they've been helpful, generous, and have given me my jumping off point? What others may have experienced, I haven't. I will read blogger's stories on how they were wronged but until something personally happens to me, there's no desired action to be taken. Also, because I stay with these companies that some would say have unethical business practices, does not make me any less of a writer or a reviewer. It also doesn't mean that I'm sacrificing any of my integrity, that I have shoddy ethics, or that I'm "accepting payment in jelly for my silence"... I hate jelly toys, I'll take silicone, please. Also, by not taking a stance due to one reviewer's unfortunate incidents doesn't mean that I'm like the people that drive drunk or refuse to wear a seat belt because they think, "it won't happen to me, I'm impervious to harm.. I'm not going to get into an accident and die today." I want facts and figures from all sides of a situation, one writer's opinion isn't fact enough for me to drop everything in protest. By still writing for these companies doesn't mean that I don't support the writer that was wronged or that I'm not a good community member... because I always care and I do have compassion.

As far as reviewing unsafe materials? All reviewers were not created equal. I have standards which I try desperately to adhere to. There have been times where I was given a jelly or cyberskin toy to review. I list the problems with these materials, I talk about phthalatees and condom use, I talk about porosity. I talk about flared bases, I talk about not using certain anal toys because they lack them. I'm never afraid to denounce a product as I put my name on my reviews. Just because I've reviewed toys comprised out of unsafe materials does not mean I'm going to lie and fluff them up with high marks to maintain a good relationship with the e-tailer. I am never afraid to tell people the way it is and I pride myself on my honesty, I wouldn't be a good reviewer if I didn't. I've been fortunate to find companies that are graceful with my reviews that discuss how it's not a good product.

I'm still a small fish in a big sea of sex bloggers but I made the list of Best Sex Toy Reviewers of 2008 and I'm damn proud of that achievement. I've become a reviewer and I'm comfortable with that. I love to say that I'm a Reviewer and that people make financial decisions based on my recommendations, that's flattery in the highest.


There are writers out there who are strictly reviewers, what's the beef? We all have assumed our corners on the WWW. There shouldn't be lines drawn because of reviewers. We aren't any less than "real sex bloggers" because we review and our content isn't inferior. It's a completely different ballgame, you can't catalogue a bunch of erotica and a bunch of reviews and try to rate them based on quality because there are different elements used to create both. Reviewers are not bottom feeders or scum suckers because we review free products, and I'd like to say that most products aren't free. I put in hours on each review, while to some highly scrupulous readers they may not seem like they take such a chunk out of my time, but they do. I give reviews my all because I want to, I love to. If people don't want to read them just because they're reviews, they have the option to click the little "X" at the corner of the screen. I still write other content than reviews but I don't have to. I'm a sex blogger whether or not I write reviews or I talk about screwing my husband at a Hedonism resort.

I've never been a highly confrontational person but opinions make the world go round. Blogging gives us the platform to assume political microphones and scream to the masses that they should try to see things our way, if only for an instant. I've never had a conflict within the sex blogging community, there are many unique people that inspire me to think, and I love most everyone I meet. I'm still a small fish in a big sea but I'm growing balls and I'm loving the way they feel dangling between my legs.