ALONE

I have not had the best year... the best month... and none of my weeks have been 'the best week'. I watch my friends get dealt little drama and trauma every now and again and it always seems like they have these lengthy periods of time that allow them the ability to recover, recuperate, and grow stronger. Those periods in their lives are like little vacations from reality, little spa days to forget the stresses... and oh, I wish I was so lucky.

So we've dealt with a miscarriage, and yes, I'm saying 'we' because I had my husband there to hold my hand. Even if I shrugged it off and left for a few weeks to clear my head. I needed a break because I am not nearly as strong as my gray roots make me look. I am fragile and I like to run away, it's the only way I can get through the tough times. Now, I'm having to do everything- the job of both spouses, the job of both parents, and I'm having to learn how to live ALONE.

Oh my god, can we say that again? ALONE. No, not by choice- the military likes to seperate us every few years and usually, these breaks are relished- they're welcome opportunities to be without one another. It usually makes us love each other more and help us get a breather from our annoying selves before we get to the point where we want to just stab each other because we spend way too much time together. But this time, I have a 5 year old with Aspergers, a townhome that's falling apart (Thank god for HGTV and diynetwork.com), and I've been under a lot of stress... morose than usual. Then again, it's also a blessing.

We have tried nonstop to have more kids, we have jumped through hoops, we have dealt with way too much drama and done way too much to just enjoy the process. Because let's face it, every experience we have trying to have a baby should be amazing, exciting, and filled with hope and determination. The last doctors appointment were full of apprehension, annoyance, depression, and neither of us wanted to be there. Our sex life became shit and I didn't even feel like touching myself.. if he couldn't, how could I?

But this time apart (while I haven't had ANY time to myself) I've been able to just think about well, myself. Think about my needs. Think about who I am- not as a wife or a mother, but as an individual. As someone striving hard to live a meaningful life instead of someone just going through the motions. And finally, FINALLY I miss sex. Once he's gone, I get the urge to have it again- ain't life beautiful? So my trusty reliables have had the dust brushed off them and I've given every damn toy in my toy box a go. I wish and I hope, and dear Lord I will try, to make this an opportunity to finally sit down and do what I've held off on doing... and not just reviews, fun stories, HNT, or any of the other little things that brought me so much joy- but maybe now I'll be able to embark on a journey of self discovery, to find out what type of person I am... because I just haven't done that for a while. We're constantly growing, learning, and I've tried every few years to see just how different I am but sometimes I forget to, sometimes I get so wrapped up in the drama and stress of my life that I forget to take a break and evaluate where I'm at. And yes, I am huge on introspection because I am constantly thinking.

Anyway, while this is a happy post, an upbeat post, it's also an admittance of guilt and shame that I've completely neglected my responsibilities as a blogger and a reviewer. And a promise to my readers and myself that I am going to take whatever free time I have (and there isn't a whole lot when you're both caring for your entire household but your crazy self) to not only get things I've long put off done, but to enjoy the process of accomplishing forgotten projects and to make each and every end result wonderful. This is also an opportunity to find out who I am and maybe to finally find my voice as a sex writer. I've been trying so hard for the past year my website has been live to discover what type of writer I am. I've been longing to discover my niche and I had hoped I would have found it by now but it's okay, I'm fine with going at a slower pace than some of my peers- maybe I can only discover the type of writer I am when I discover the type of person I am. Or, maybe I never will. Either way, my goal isn't for finality, a finish line, or endings but rather to learn to love, enjoy, and relish the present, the paths I choose, and the rides I allow myself to be taken on.

Selling Off the Clutter

Hey, Christmas time is almost here so I would like some walking around money. (AKA money my husband doesn't know about...)

I have a LOT of clutter- new toys, barely used toys (it sounds icky but I'm only getting rid of those that can be boiled or bleached), leather clothing never worn before, gift cards to various sex toy websites, etc. I'll be posting items as I come across them. I also have custom made club-wear that sells for a shit ton of $ that I want to get rid of- some of the dresses/outfits still have the tags on them!!!

Whether you're a legitimate toy shopper or some person out there who wants a toy that I've used (not as creepy as it sounds, I've actually received an email about this like 6 months ago) maybe, HOPEFULLY you can use something here. For toys shipping is $5 and clothing or heavier items are $8.


First up is the Plus-Size Strap-On that I purchased from AdamEve.com for $60. This has NEVER been used for penetrative sex, it has only been used for one photo shoot for my phone sex listings. It was purchased last year. The harness was cleaned with alcohol afterward (even though I wore underwear) and the dildo was never taken out of the plastic. Fair warning, the jelly (supposedly phthalates-free) dildo has turned a weird whitish/orange color inside of the plastic, I have no idea what that is all about. I'm asking $25. It's a leather harness, very stretchy- says it will fit up to a 48" waist but I suspect it will fit larger due to how much the leather stretches.




Next we have a Leather Dress w/ Hook and Eye Closure in a 3x. I ordered a different size but the person on ebay sent me the 3x and would not exchange it leaving me with a dress I could not wear and them a very negative rating! It's very pretty, I paid $100 but I'm asking $60.

Size 3X

Bust:45 - 48

Waist:37 - 40

Hips:47 - 50

Dress Size:22 - 24

Next is the Bloomy which I won in a blogger's photoshop contest. My husband actually had one so this one has NEVER been opened. I have never touched it, it's just sat in my closet for about 4 months. It retails for $40 but I'm asking $20.



Speaking of photoshop I am a wizard at making stretch marks disappear (speaking of myself not the awesome Miss Essin Em), I also like to get a little funky. If for some reason you actually like what I can do, pictures are $10/per.

Original is here

Next we have the Leisure Lover Bumpy Freezy Stiff Vibrator (horrible name). I have NEVER used this nor has it ever been out of the box. But I will try it with batteries before you buy it to make sure it works. I received this free with purchase, it retails for around $30 but I'm asking $15. 6 inch Pink phthalates-free ABS plastic vibrator, waterproof and multi-speed. Frozen texture, uses 1 AA Battery (not incl). I'll include a battery for ya though.



Next is Tantus C-Ring. We've never used this but tried it on, yes. It was put through the dishwasher afterward but I will boil it for you before shipping. It retails for $28 on Tantus' website but I'm asking $12.




Lastly is the Alumina Motion. This one has been used a couple times but it has been boiled. This is an aluminum toy so it's nonporous. It retails for $89 but I'm asking $40. Diameter: 1 3/8" - 1" Length: 8.25"

If you have any questions or are interested in anything that's been reviewed (hey, there's some leather gear and some very upscale items that can be sterilized), email me at questions@sleepingdreamer.com and we'll work something out!

Also, if you're part of the Toy Swap network and see an item I've listed there I can arrange something where you just pay for shipping (a little extra $ maybe too, depending on the original cost of the toy) instead of arranging a trade or swap.

HNT: That Longing

This blog is chock full of posts about my struggle with infertility. It's all just words, mainly sad words, occasionally angry words, and often words full of so much longing. Words can't express the joy of pregnancy, the amazing feeling of being a mother, and words certainly can't describe the connection my husband and I shared while I was pregnant.

This week I went through my pictures and I found one of myself when I was pregnant with my son. This picture captures the love my husband and I had for one another that blossomed as beautifully as my body did (and yes, I'm so full of shit, aren't I? :P).

And curious about the heart? My husband did that with a candle. :)

Holiday Meals, Sex Toys, and A Special Request

So, everyone that reads this blog (I think that's a total of 3 people-- including my husband, and my cat that steps on my computer keyboard and accidentally opens up my bookmarts *or maybe he amuses himself while I'm gone by laughing at my poor spelling and grammar*) knows my little kitty Dottie passed away.

I'm still brokenhearted but things have gotten better. I actually cheered myself up enough to write some reviews. One's been posted and one's awaiting posting. I don't know where my motivation has come from, maybe it's just the fact I was finally alone and given some space.. or maybe the fact it was 3 am and I had nothing better to do. Either way, I got them done but there are still more to be posted.

In fact, in all the chaos of the holidays, the passing of my kitten, the stress of living with a man in the Military, the worries of infertility, the hell of making a Thanksgiving dinner, and the challenges of being a Mom, I haven't had time for my truly epic, awesome LIBERATOR review! Okay, so I may be overreaching but I do have the potential to be a really good reviewer, I just haven't full achieved it yet... or come even close, lol... but a girl can dream!

It feels good to write a review again, especially one I'm proud of. I haven't been proud of myself in months, I've just been living with a cloud over my head. It's so easy to feel bad, it's that good ole Irish depression- we're always bitching about one thing or another. I've been such a turkey lately and I'm sorry if anyone has come to rely on my blog for sex toy reviews and not found any for a while- life happened.

I'm going to ask something from whomever is reading this post and I apologize if you feel cornered or pressured to do something- you don't have to! And this is the last time I'll be asking for anything again, I promise. *And I totally have empty promises FYI*

Dottie was a rescue kitten who was brought to us by the magic of A Shelter Friend - we gave her a chance at life, unfortunately, her quality of life in the high-kill shelter was very poor and there was nothing we could do. But we showed her love, compassion, kindness, and what a family could be like. What I'm asking this holiday season if you're thinking of gifting me, fellow bloggers, loved ones, coworkers- make a donation in their name instead- or gift the kittens, puppies, cats, and dogs of their shelter- whether it's $1 or $100, whatever you can spare will make a difference and allow this organization to continue to save these poor animals from death and give them a new home that will love them and give them a chance.

If you want to do more than donate money to help these wonderful, AMAZING, and courageous individuals that transport and care for these soon to be pets, you can adopt! They rescue animals from high-kill shelters and save them from death. If you open up your heart and home you can make a huge difference for a pet that will end up loving you for its entire lifetime. (They transport throughout the North East.) If you can't adopt you can always foster- and NOT just with this organization but one in your area. You will give animals slated for death a chance by allowing them that extra bit of time to find the perfect family.

So, this holiday season give the gift of life to animals in need. Our society ends up throwing away pets and they are not disposable, these are precious lives that help to enrich ours.


If you are not an animal person, consider giving donations- whether it to be refugee relief funds, the Red Cross, AIDS or Cancer research, etc- it's a gift you give to everyone and it means something amazing to the people your contribution ends up helping!


In exchange, the reviews and HNT's will be coming back. I think it's high time we have some sexy content on here!

My Dottie has passed away

This morning Dottie died. I stayed up for some reason, something told me to stay awake. At 3:30 I noticed she was missing then I heard her cry and she stumbled out from behind my husband's computer desk, walked around in a circle and passed out.

I woke up my husband after I noticed that she had defecated all over herself in the process. I told him that something was wrong and that I think she's dying. He drove her to the vet clinic and I expected they'd be gone for a few hours as they made sure everything was okay, sadly, he came back a half hour later crying as he ran up the stairs toward me.

I didn't expect she'd really die, I just thought it was that voice inside me speaking out when it always thinks the worst of everything. We're absolutely devastated as this was tragic and completely unexpected. She was bright and sunshine-y up until yesterday when she just started to sleep and sleep.

Dottie died at the intersection before the vet clinic. He held her the whole way in his arms as he drove the Jeep to the vet. He said she cried and then she passed away. I guess they checked her heart beat and he signed some paperwork for her to be cremated. Unfortunately, we're pretty damn broke and she'll be in a mass cremation with a dozen other pets. That just seems so horrible and dishonorable, I wish I could do more for her. But we did, we rescued her and gave her a wonderful 10 days with us full of love and compassion, things she was not shown in the filthy shelter she was set to die in.

We brought her into our homes and my husband opened his heart especially for her. Sophia (my Betty Spaghetti) is going to the vet this morning and I'm nervous. Nervous something is wrong with her that is as fatal as whatever was wrong with Dottie and nervous for how much everything is going to cost. Money is extremely tight and I just don't know what we're going to do.

So as I leave Sophia in my husband's capable hands I'm heading off to bed. I will not be around for the next few days because I do not handle death well at all. Sorry for reviews that will go unposted and a blog that goes without updates but Dottie was our very sweet little kitten and my heart aches for the fact she will never grow old with us.

Do you have a sense of humor? Are you sure?

Today is a great day. And yes, I say that with sarcasm. Truth be told, it's not that bad, I've had far worse... but still, today does not rank in my top 5 of all time days, it doesn't even rank in my top 5,000 days.

I woke up at 6 to a screaming child. Totally perfect, right? Because who needs their eardrums at 6 in the morning? And yes, we all should have migraines to start the day, it lets us know we're alive.

At 6:30 I realized the kittens had gotten out of their little home we made for them so I had to search around the house for them. 1,800 sq feet and kittens that are the size of a child's shoe, not that hard to find. 45 minutes later, sweat pouring from my forehead after rummaging under the couches, looking behind the fridge, and under every bed and there they are, asleep, upstairs on the Liberator. At least I got in my cardio for the day.


I sit down with my toast and coffee, ready to do something productive... anything productive. Hell, what I'm doing right now is productive. And in my inboxl is the best email I've had all day (because we're only 2 hours in)- "I love your blog. Can I pee on you sometime?"

......

I don't know if I should be flattered or insulted. Firstly, they love my blog. Oh, thank you! But then again, they want to pee on me.

Is that flattery? Do they only pee on the best bloggers out there? Is their urine reserved only for the best erotic writers on the internet? Or were they being sarcastic and "I love your blog" means, "it's really awful" and "Can I pee on you sometime" means, "your blog is so bad I must douse it in my urine."

I called my husband because I wasn't sure. Yes, I actually made him stop what he was doing to talk to me on the phone about someone asking to pee on me. He told me to accept the offer because he would be working late today which meant no sexual action of any kind from him. He's really helpful.


So, after deciding it wasn't because my blog is absolutely fantastic I tried to forget about it. I figured it must be some sort of joke. But who can forget about someone asking to pee on them? I'm afraid I don't have a switch that I can flip off to prevent mildly erotic thoughts, albeit weird ones, from crossing my mind. (Because even though it's pee, it comes from a penis, and when I think of penis, I think of celebrity penis, and hot celebrities like Jeffrey Dean Morgan or George Clooney probably have really awesome penises, and in that case I might actually let them pee on me if I could see or touch these awesomely large, famous dicks.)

So I'm fine because for the next few minutes all I think about is having sex with George Clooney until a little while later I get another email asking me to reconsider the original offer of an urine bath and that this time I'd get both the urine bath and them farting in my mouth while peeing on me. 2 for the price of 1, wow, that's a bargain. And I'm not even sure how that would work. Would I have to be sitting during this? Do I have to contort my body into some weird position for them to achieve both? It sounds like an awful lot of work. I just don't know if I could commit to that because let's face it, I'm pretty lazy and usually just like to lie there during any sort of sexual activity.

So. Either someone really hates me or actually really loves my blog. Either way, I'm like 99% sure it's my husband fucking around with me. And he both loves me and hates me, it's mostly just hates me. But this is probably him getting even with me for making him watch Desperate Housewives.

In that case. Yes, you can pee on me IF you have sex with me first and I'm not required to do anything other than lay there. And yes, I just totally accepted your offer to pee on me, I'm a great wife, I hope you realize how lucky you are.