This morning Dottie died. I stayed up for some reason, something told me to stay awake. At 3:30 I noticed she was missing then I heard her cry and she stumbled out from behind my husband's computer desk, walked around in a circle and passed out.

I woke up my husband after I noticed that she had defecated all over herself in the process. I told him that something was wrong and that I think she's dying. He drove her to the vet clinic and I expected they'd be gone for a few hours as they made sure everything was okay, sadly, he came back a half hour later crying as he ran up the stairs toward me.

I didn't expect she'd really die, I just thought it was that voice inside me speaking out when it always thinks the worst of everything. We're absolutely devastated as this was tragic and completely unexpected. She was bright and sunshine-y up until yesterday when she just started to sleep and sleep.

Dottie died at the intersection before the vet clinic. He held her the whole way in his arms as he drove the Jeep to the vet. He said she cried and then she passed away. I guess they checked her heart beat and he signed some paperwork for her to be cremated. Unfortunately, we're pretty damn broke and she'll be in a mass cremation with a dozen other pets. That just seems so horrible and dishonorable, I wish I could do more for her. But we did, we rescued her and gave her a wonderful 10 days with us full of love and compassion, things she was not shown in the filthy shelter she was set to die in.

We brought her into our homes and my husband opened his heart especially for her. Sophia (my Betty Spaghetti) is going to the vet this morning and I'm nervous. Nervous something is wrong with her that is as fatal as whatever was wrong with Dottie and nervous for how much everything is going to cost. Money is extremely tight and I just don't know what we're going to do.

So as I leave Sophia in my husband's capable hands I'm heading off to bed. I will not be around for the next few days because I do not handle death well at all. Sorry for reviews that will go unposted and a blog that goes without updates but Dottie was our very sweet little kitten and my heart aches for the fact she will never grow old with us.